


your friendly neighborhood dr textfic

by leon_kinda_sus



Series: chaos, chaos: zeph's non-despair shenanigans [3]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: 79 doesn't have major roles for awhile cuz im not far enough into v3, F/F, F/M, Kokichi being Kokichi, M/M, Multi, Non Despair, Polyamory, Trans Leon, Trans Makoto, a lot of it, also, aroace akane, chihiro is closeted chaos child, lotta hcs here, nagito gets hugs and therapy, nb chiaki, no discourse or i eat you :), rarepairs, taka is tired dad, they/them chihiro, this is awful for a while but i swear it gets better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26497216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leon_kinda_sus/pseuds/leon_kinda_sus
Summary: yep, there's another one.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Amami Rantaro/Oma Kokichi, Hagakure Yasuhiro/Owada Daiya, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito/Nanami Chiaki, Ikusaba Mukuro/Maizono Sayaka, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo, Kirigiri Kyoko/Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya, Kirigiri Kyoko/Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya/Kuwata Leon, Tanaka Gundham/Sonia Nevermind, last two will happen eventually
Series: chaos, chaos: zeph's non-despair shenanigans [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1991191
Comments: 7
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> bicycle: makoto  
> blu: sayaka  
> lesbian 1: hina  
> lesbian 2: sakura  
> champion time: leon  
> sherlock: kyoko  
> watson: celeste  
> 01100111 01100001 01111001: chihiro  
> batman: byakuya  
> cornelius cornwall: mondo  
> nerd: toko  
> token dad friend: taka  
> boomer: hiro  
> weeb hours: hifumi  
> tom jones “it’s not unusual”: hajime  
> sad: nagito  
> pikauwu: chiaki  
> not coca cola: soda  
> angsty mf: gundham  
> queen: sonia  
> basic bitch: mahiru  
> gummy bitch: hiyoko  
> big gay: ibuki  
> kneecap: mikan  
> nom: akane  
> banned: nekomaru  
> groundhog: izuru  
> kfc: teruteru

[2:45 AM, OCTOBER 1ST]

champion time: @bicycle if you don’t let me name our son leon two electric boogaloo i want to divorce 

cornelius cornwall: it’s assfuck in the morning what are you doing leon

bicycle: oh bet

sherlock: ffs

token dad friend: Everyone please go to sleep I love you all but it’s so late

bicycle: ahaha

bicycle: but dysphoria go brr

blu: unacceptable

blu: @sherlock @champion time autobots roll out its protect makoto hours

sherlock: omw 

champion time: ^^^^

cornelius cornwall: sayakas fight or flight is just her makoto sense tingling

blu: pff 

blu: accurate

-

[10:10 AM]

watson: It would seem I missed quite a bit this morning, are you alright Makoto?

bicycle: yeah lol thanks celes

watson: Of course.

01100111 01100001 01111001: yall i gotta joke

bicycle: o

01100111 01100001 01111001: knock knock

blu: who’s there?

01100111 01100001 01111001: gender

blu: gender who?

01100111 01100001 01111001: thats it thats the joke

bicycle: shskjxndnk

-

[4:05 PM]

batman: I long for the day that I can google “Perry the Platypus” without porn showing up

bicycle: Excuse Me What The Fuck

blu: ASLFKDLDJCNDK YOU WOT

champion time: w h -

cornelius cornwall: safe search my ass smh

01100111 01100001 01111001: i like how taka has just given up on getting everyone to stop swearing

01100111 01100001 01111001: also ew

sherlock: why are you googling perry the platypus anyways

batman: That’s for me to know and for you to never find out.

bicycle: oop

sherlock: damn ok 

champion time: once i googled pinecest out of curiosity and i think i can still see it in my brain sometimes

champion time: I DONT EVEN KNOW GRAVITY FALLS

blu: ,,,dipper goes to taco bell,,,,??

champion time: ,,,,mayhap

bicycle: jfc

batman: I once, on a dare, looked up Wincest from I believe Supernatural 

bicycle: oh kuya honey no 

batman: Yeah I have my regrets

sherlock: i have the sudden urge to change my nickname 

sherlock changed their nickname to Lavender Town

champion time changed watson’s name to ur local goth gf

ur local goth gf: ...Accurate, I suppose.

bicycle: oml i read kyoko’s name and had like really intense pokemon platinum flashbacks

bicycle: like i know that lavender town is red/green/blue/yellow/whatever the fuck but the first game i ever played was platinum and holy cow i had nightmares

Lavender Town: how does pokemon give one nightmares??

bicycle: satan caterpillar 

bicycle: here lemme

blu: pokemon isnt too scary until you get into the creepypastas

champion time: oh lord yeah

batman: Like what?

bicycle: SAYAKA MAIZONO DONT YOU FCUKING DARE UTTER THE NAME YOURE ABOUT TO UTTER

blu: hypno’s lullaby

bicycle: FFS

bicycle: i still have a grudge against komaru for that

bicycle: anyway this gave me nightmares for a week when i was like eight https://youtu.be/XriM9t-Rvq0

Lavender Town: holy

ur local goth gf: I can see why.

bicycle: anyway i gotta dip i leave yall with this

bicycle: https://youtu.be/Fl0c9wApUeg

Lavender Town: thanks i hate it

batman: Quite unsettling.

blu: YOU LIL SHIT YOU KNOW THAT SCARES ME

bicycle went offline.

-

Kyoko Kirigiri has created “Makoto Naegi’s Braincells (And Leon)”

Kyoko Kirigiri added Byakuya Togami and Leon Kuwata to Makoto Naegi’s Braincells (And Leon)

Kyoko Kirigiri changed 3 nicknames

braincell-less: this is blatant slander 

braincell 1: am I wrong though?

braincell 2: You could not be more right.

braincell-less: tbh if youd told me two months ago that kyoko and byakuya would date id laugh in your face

braincell 1: it’s called “bya grew as a person and I’m weak for smart”

braincell-less: and also apparently oblivious idiot have you seen makoto

braincell 2: Good point.

braincell-less: when i met him i for sure thought he was with sayaka

braincell-less: turns out she just swore like. a hippocratic oath to protect him with her life and honestly mood

braincell 2: Hippocratic is doctors, you buffoon.

braincell 1: I don’t think anyone has said buffoon unironically in over sixty years

braincell-less: byakuya really said “get off my lawn”

braincell 2: I have had to say that to Hiro before.

braincell-less: you fucking what

braincell 1: he got high once and ended up in byakuya’s front yard crying into a deck of tarot cards, screamed “what is 30 x 2” and ran off

braincell 1: I was there

braincell 2: May I add, this was at 2 in the morning.

braincell-less: why were you there at two am

braincell 1: I’m a mature adult I don’t need reason to stay at my boyfriend’s house

braincell-less: you fell asleep on him and he was too scared to move you

braincell 1: ...I’m not legally obligated to answer that

braincell-less: hAh

braincell 2: Please, do us all a favor and shut up.

-

[6:10 PM, OCTOBER 10TH]

bicycle renamed the chat “Straight? Who’s She?”

champion time: oh mood

bicycle: indeed

Lavender Town: agreed

boomer: felt 

blu: yep

batman: Me as well.

01100111 01100001 01111001: mhm

cornelius cornwall: fuckin’ mood right there

token dad friend: Language. but yes

nerd: yeah

ur local goth gf: You called for me?

lesbian 2: And me.

lesbian 1: hi hello

bicycle: omg we’re iconic

blu: hell yea we are

champion time: it do be like that

nerd: wait a second

nerd: raise your hand if you’re dating makoto

batman: I can’t raise my hand over text, but I’m here.

Lavender Town: hello

champion time: you called

bicycle: :0

01100111 01100001 01111001: mooooOoOoM mAKOTO GETS THREE S/O’S >:(

cornelius cornwall: their loss honestly they gotta put up with him

cornelius cornwall: /j ily makoto

champion time: can we appreciate how chihiro says mom and mondo responds

01100111 01100001 01111001: :)

bicycle: fuck you too mondo /j

bicycle: and also iconic

ur local goth gf: One second, there’s something I’d like to do.

ur local goth gf kicked weeb hours from the group

bicycle: i

bicycle: k then anyways

Lavender Town: a

01100111 01100001 01111001: nobody: kyoko: a

champion time: imagine using the nobody format in 2020 could literally never be me

01100111 01100001 01111001: shut

champion time: ily2 cheerio

bicycle: i cannot

batman: The two of you give me whiplash.


	2. Chapter 2

boomer: question: how many of you have stuck your dick in a hot pocket

Lavender Town: what in the frick frack paddywhack diddly dang fuck

bicycle: kyo that was iconic ilyvm

bicycle: but also me

champion time: when tf did you get bottom surgery cuz thats news to me

bicycle: you fool i dont need surgery to be a bottom

bicycle: /j(?)

champion time: jfc

cornelius cornwall: hiro bro are you like okay

boomer: may be slightly high

cornelius cornwall: ah fuck

bicycle: also i was saying me to kyoko’s thing not hiro’s but anyways

blu: i just spaced out for ten minutes while 1 2 oatmeal played on loop on my laptop 

lesbian 1: we stan a queen

champion time: sayaka are you sure you’re not high too cuz like,,,,,,,,,,,,

champion time: sayaka

bicycle: yO I-

champion time: wtf i

batman: I’ll go check on her.

bicycle: thank you for my life byakuya i love you 

bicycle: i am in a state of ~anxiety~ for no reason in this chilis tonight so thats fun

bicycle: its ~dumb~ and im ~not vibing~

lesbian 1: okay thats it @Lavender Town @batman @champion time @blu (when u get back) its protect makoto hrs roll out

bicycle: no wait i-

champion time: im omw 

Lavender Town: ^^^

lesbian 1: @ everyone else dont kill anyone until we get back

lesbian 1 went offline

Lavender Town went offline

champion time went offline

bicycle: goddamnit 

-

[7:18 PM, OCTOBER 15TH]

token dad friend added mukuro to the group

mukuro: oh. hello, everyone.

bicycle: oh hi!!!!!! 

Lavender Town: welcome

batman: You’re Junko’s sister, are you not?

mukuro: i really wish i wasn’t.

batman: Fair enough. Just don’t try anything.

mukuro: yessir

blu: hi!

champion time: hey

01100111 01100001 01111001: welcome to hell :D

lesbian 1: JSKFJFJDK CHIHIRO ILY

lesbian 2: Hello, Mukuro. Welcome to the group.

mukuro: thank you all...i won’t say too much most likely but if you need me i will be here. just @ me.

mukuro went idle

bicycle: nnyways

bicycle: what are we playing for game night tmr

champion time: mario party?

cornelius cornwall: do you have a fucking death wish

01100111 01100001 01111001: >:3

bicycle: jskfks does anyone remember the class 77 vs 78 disaster

lesbian 1: A HISTORIC MOMENT TRULY

Lavender Town: i’m never gonna live that down am i

blu: I CANT BREATHE

bicycle: topic change go brr i guess

blu: I JUST WALKED INTO THE COMMON ROOM TO SEE WHERE MUKURO WAS

blu: I GET IN THERE

blu: THAT KOKICHI KID IS ON A TABLE LOUDLY PROCLAIMING “TRANS PEOPLE CAN AND SHOULD COMMIT ARSON”

blu: MAKOTO IS HERE TOO WHAT THE HELL

blu: AND KAZUICHI 

lesbian 1: JDKSKXNCKDXN

01100111 01100001 01111001: FUCK YEAH ARSON

cornelius cornwall: CHIHIRO NO

bicycle: ARSON ARSON ARSON

blu: okay rich

bicycle: SHUT

token dad friend: please do not commit arson, we still have damages from the ultimate motorcycle incident 

lesbian 1: damn mondo you n soda rlly did a number on that wall

cornelius cornwall: in my defense i was left unsupervised 

lesbian 1: @token dad friend answer for your fucking crimes

token dad friend: I thought Sonia and Gundham would keep them in check

token dad friend: Evidently I was wrong...

-

pikauwu: i cant sleep and the internet is down, im in hell

not coca cola: f

small: f

big gay: f

basic bitch: f

tom jones “it’s not unusual”: f

tom jones “it’s not unusual”: who the hell changed my name

not coca cola: bet money that i did it while i was high last night 

angsty mf: You were what?

not coca cola: oH fUCK

not coca cola is offline

sad: when you give an ultimate weed...

pikauwu: good lord kaz

queen: Does anyone know where Kazuichi and Gundham are?

queen: Never mind, I have scrolled up.

pikauwu: lol she said never mind 

big gay: heh

kneecap: You should all be asleep...

small: i cant fuckin sleep someone is blasting PERSONA MUSIC AT FOUR IN THE FUCKING AM

basic bitch: chiaki just bc you can’t sleep doesn’t mean we don’t want to

pikauwu: that isn’t me for once

sad: its me

sad: it drowns out the sound of me crying and other things

not coca cola: didn’t expect nagito to be one for sad masturbation

sad: not what i meant holy shit

tom jones “its not unusual”: KAZ WHAT THE FUCK

tom jones “its not unusual” changed their name to functional bi

functional bi: my name was annoying me and i don’t even understand it

small: turn off the goddamn music or ill have peko do it for you

sad: i’d be honored for the ultimate swordswoman to make time for a lowly scum like me...

sad: but fine

not coca cola: turn it back on holy shit thats so loud i didnt even know you could cry that loud

not coca cola: i heard something break

big gay: wh

pikauwu: oh shit okay @functional bi cmon

functional bi: we’re on our way nagito

sad is offline

functional bi: shit.

big gay: so is kaz gonna explain hajime’s original nickname or

not coca cola: he’s the only one not an ultimate, he’s the “it’s not unusual” in a sea of “what’s new pussycat”

not coca cola: either that or i was listening to it while high which is a possibility 

angsty mf: KAZUICHI 

not coca cola: SHIT SHIT SHIT

small: wait why is mikan’s name kneecap i-

basic bitch: nagito was doing text to speech to type while kaz fixed up his prosthetic and mikan came out as kneecap

basic bitch: twas the funniest shit i tell you

gummy bitch: eww boys

basic bitch: gay rights

big gay: gay rights

kneecap: Gay rights

small: gay rights motherfuckers


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy early bday kaz ily
> 
> heres chaos

small: hey gundham i hope they cook ur hamsters at the goth ihop you frequent

pikauwu: fatality

basic bitch: outstanding move

nom: you dumbass you called them hamsters and said hope in the same sentence now you’re gonna have the general manager of goth ihop and a mop with self esteem issues on your ass

angsty mf: i hope you like death fuyuhiko

basic bitch: HE DIDNT USE PUNCTUATION RUN BABY GANGSTER 

small: CALL ME THAT ONE MORE FUCKING TIME YOU SHAVED WENDY’S LOGO LOOKING BITCH

functional bi: the wendy’s logo is actually hot though

pikauwu: hajime do you wanna tell us something 

basic bitch: FUYUHIKO HES ACTUALLY RUNNING FULL SPEED TOWARDS UR DORM RUN R U N

small: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

sad: i am speechless 

gummy bitch: good. suffer

pikauwu: i’ll fight

functional bi: chiaki no

pikauwu: chiaki yes

functional bi: sigh

-

bicycle added avocado-san, painist, sherlock, batman, and 10+ others to the group!

bicycle renamed the chat “Junko Paid Me To Make This I’m Sorry”

functional bi: what the fuck i want to leave

functional bi: makoto why why why why

bicycle: read: the chat name

pikauwu: cries

sad: makoto owo

pikauwu: nagito said owo im gonna perish bye

bicycle: !!BRO!!

sherlock: makoto and nagito have a really weird and wholesome friendship 

not coca cola: omg

not coca cola: @angsty mf @queen new chat new chat new chat

champion time: wheres class 79

avocado-san: we have a field trip starting in an hour so i’m packing

bastard: suuure you are~

avocado-san: what the hell kokichi

bastard: UwU

painist: I can’t with the two of you sometimes

bastard: kaede i stole ur mans~

sherlock: aren’t they poly...?

mini sherlock: shhh

batman: Makoto, why did you feel the need to drag me into another pointless group text?

champion time: BYAKUYA 💕💞💚💜❤️🧡💙🧡🧡❤️💚💜💕💞

batman: I suppose that’s why. Carry on.

pikauwu: byakuya can be a lil soft as a treat

blu: nagito’s been silent for awhile and he hasn’t said the h word once

functional bi: the wonders of therapy and two partners

blu: i like how each class has our own power poly

sherlock: :)

champion time: i love three (3) people (non platonically dont kill me chihiro)

goth lolita: bold of you to assume they could

cornelius cornwall: what was that

goth lolita is offline

champion time: LMAOOO

champion time: anyway kyoko come cuddle me 

sherlock: omw 

mini sherlock: @class 79 we’re leaving in five

bicycle: oh yeah thanks i was gonna make roles for classes but i just. adhd brain said do not do that

token dad friend: Do you people just not sleep? You all have been online since three am...

champion time: no no we don’t

token dad friend: Figured.

bastard: wait I have mod perms~~

pikauwu: WHO LET HIM—

_ bastard changed 10+ names _

hajigay: i despise you

kyokowo: strangely, I don’t hate my name

power bottom: KOKICHI NO

g note: oh  _ god _

g note: guys we gotta go c'mon

shsl himbo: how do i leave the groupchat shuichi help

-

**_Down With Cis Bus_ **

champion time: hello children of the cisn’t 

pikauwu: hey hey

bicycle: m’theydy

pikauwu: i-

sherlock: hi

01100111 01100001 01111001: wus poppin :3

mini sherlock: i thought this chat died why is it back

bastard: :3

mini sherlock: sighhhhhhhh h h

champion time: pretty girl is half asleep on me naeggo help

bicycle: >:0

bicycle: me and kuya weren’t invited,,,,how dare </3

champion time: wait no bro ily

bicycle: BRO

bicycle: WOOOOW

champion time: BRO IS A TERM OF ENDEARMENT YOU DENSE FUCK

bicycle: oh yeah i forgot taka and mondo existed

01100111 01100001 01111001: those r my dads heck off naegi 

pikauwu: chihiro ily platonically 

01100111 01100001 01111001: 🥺💚 

bicycle: WHY YALL BULLYING ME LITERALLY WHAT DID I D O

bastard: you existed <3

bicycle: shut the up kokichi

korey in the house: What do you all want? I thought we were going to let this chat die slowly.

bastard: HE LIVES

mini sherlock: cries

mini sherlock: i want my bf back

-

**_holy fucking shit is that sans undertale??_ **

sad: who. who changed the group name

pikauwu: uwu

sad: ily but please don’t we had this conversation a while back

functional bi: remember monsterfucker kazuichi

kfc: hot

small: peko he appeared dispose of his nasty ass

bambuwu: Will do.

_ kfc is offline _

functional bi: im the only bisexual here teruteru 

big gay: hello?

functional bi: IBUKI IM SORRY

big gay: friendship ended with hajigay now izuru is my best friend 

groundhog: what

sad: where did he even come from—

groundhog: the depths of hell

not coca cola: smg

not coca cola: *smh

functional bi: illiterate :point_and_laugh:

basic bitch: wtf does monsterfucker kaz mean

not coca cola: have you ridden rayquaza to space?

pikauwu: i don’t wanna ride rayquaza period, lunala master race

not coca cola: i do

small: monsterfucker 

not coca cola: nO

nom: yes

not coca cola: ride him like people ride horses

small: yeehaw ya slut

pikauwu: hey there buddy chum pal buddy friend buddy chum pal

sad: it always circles back to sans undertale 

-

**_untitled class 78 gc_ **

blu: peace was never an option 

champion time: hJDJDN

cornelius cornwall: hello i have an announcement 

champion time: owo wuts dis

01100111 01100001 01111001: oh??

cornelius cornwall: i am

cornelius cornwall: so fuckgin gay

blu: we know 

01100111 01100001 01111001: we been knew

bicycle: HDJSKSN CHIHIRO—

champion time: hell yeah bro just like 🏳️‍🌈 yk

sherlock: you’re bi

champion time: 💖💜💙

lesbian 1: awe

sherlock: ...💗💛💙

champion time: DIES

bicycle: THOSE 💕💞💗💓💕 ARE MY PARTNERS

01100111 01100001 01111001: wheres reddit user byakuya togami

champion time: OHH BET

champion time: @batman

batman: What do you all want?

batman: ...Oh.

champion time: do it u coward

bicycle: pLEASE OHYMGOD ID DIE WED HAVE THE HOLY QUADRINITY 

cornelius cornwall: HELLO IM TRYING TO FUCGKIN BE GAY ON MAIN GO TO YOUR OWN GODDAMN CHAT

champion time: damn okay okay

cornelius cornwall: ANYWAY TAKA

01100111 01100001 01111001: u better be holding hands with dad

token dad friend: He is!! We are in the library 

lesbian 1: GOALS OMG

lesbian 1: i love you all sm

01100111 01100001 01111001: okay but consider:

01100111 01100001 01111001: no u 💜❤️💛💙💚🧡

lesbian 1: CHURDHSJSIDHXAAAA

01100111 01100001 01111001: :))))

cornelius cornwall: uPDATEE

cornelius cornwall: tAKA ISXASLEEP. ON M E. HELPP

lesbian 1: aWWW AA

01100111 01100001 01111001: U GO MOM

-

**_four idiots in a room being gay on main_ **

champion time: byakuyaaaaaaa

_ batman changed the group name to 💞💛💙 _

batman: Will you leave me to study now?

champion time: JDJDJSKDKDN YEAH THATS ALL I WANTED ILY 💖💜💙💖💜💙

sherlock: mission accomplished good work men

bicycle: :DDDDD

champion time: hell to the yeah 👉😎👉

bicycle: we out here

sherlock: I presume you want some coffee, byakuya? it’s getting late after all

batman: ...that would be nice, yes.

sherlock: i’m on my way.

champion time: imagine like,,,typing legibly 

bicycle: couldn’t be me

batman: You’re both illiterate.

bicycle: ily too 

champion time: double no u plus kyoko but she’s offline


	4. update !!

heyyy so this is an update, ive decided to discontinue this and create a new chatfic! its just been posted so maybe check it out ty

-author :>


End file.
